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June 18, 2002
I'll Never Be the Same.doc
i can't do a thing now except bawl my eyes out. i lost her, fuck. it happened! oh, my GOD. i can't believe it, you know. after all that time. i was sure we were...destiny...or something. i am in hell. i am truly in agony.
my life is over. this is it. the sun shines black in my eyes. (well, the sun is blacked out from my windows anyway, i use Glad trash bags, the sun glares onto my computer screen, but you get my point!) i'm in misery! i can barely operate the new oven through my tears. what the fuck! are these intructions in french or ...oh. they are in french.
we were in love. true love, that is. i know it was true, because all i can do is think of her. think of her and masturbate. like a fool, i'm always down my pants. i say her name as i spray down the morning mail, as i huddle in the garage, as i rub myself frantically against the velour bathrobe. it's love. why else would i have printed out all her jpgs on the glossy brand of paper? christ! that stuff is very expensive! if it were just a crush (like with DazzlingPrincess100), i would've printed everything out on the regular stuff.
when i'm at my lowest, i think of those beautiful brown pants her mother wears. i mean, i don't love her mother, i don't actually think of her mother when i play with myself, i just imagine her pants. they're these horrible polyester pants, with a little raised ridge riding down the front of each leg. they don't fall anywhere, they pinch and flare, their business weave smugly hugging her fantastic 17 year old ass. (and i have many jpgs of that!)
god i miss her company. when will i ever hold her in my arms again? god, i just want to die. well. actually, i've never held her in my arms, per se, but we've stayed up all night on the phone together. and almost every night she mails me a WAV. file in which she tells me she loves me. you won't see two more dedicated people. i've spent over four hundred dollars on phone bills. and it's been worth every penny.
so, in my favorite masturbation fantasy, she -- oh did i tell you her name? haha! how funny. i guess not. that's probably because i'm just so used to direct contact...when i'm talking to her, i don't really say her name a lot. mostly, i call her "Essy." that's short for "SexyPrincess4435" which is her screen name.
i met Essy at about four a.m. one night, shortly after impressing all my friends by drinking a combination of rum, mustard sauce, wart-remover, and spoiled milk. shortly after that, i was on the computer, searching for a Poison Control Center in the area.
and fate brought me my Princess. my Sexy Princess. it was fate, i tell you. god. i'm crying again. i'll be right back, i'll post the IM after i get another blender drink. i took the day off work. there's no way i can work today. i mean, this girl was my life. hold on, the timer for the macaroons just went off.
okay. i'm back. the oven mitts make good tissues. there are chocolate smears across my face, though, i'm afraid it's rather an unsettling look for me. in the mirror i thought i saw some crazed freak with red eyes and fecal matter smeared all over his cheeks. i was about to tell him that i'm really not in the mood, today, for the usual, but then i realized it was me. how depressing. today's not thursday, what was i thinking?
oh yeah, so right, the rum concoction, and then, the fateful moment we met, and love smiled down upon me:
SexyPrincess4435: ur a little dickhead
SUP3RMILK: um..actually it's not, it's just that the rest of it is so uncommonly large, that in proportion, the actual head, itself, seems small
SexyPrincess4435: what?? >:(
SUP3RMILK: nothing, wrong window, nevermind
SexyPrincess4435: ??
SUP3RMILK: who are you?
SexyPrincess4435: remember? me n Tara were chatting and u came in the room and strted talkign about your dog? about your dog's dick? what are u? some kinda freak? all u ever talk about is sex! and gross weird shit
SUP3RMILK: oh, yeah, i remember you. you were the one with the cute nickname, right? i can't rememrbe
SUP3RMILK: *remember
SexyPrincess4435: hmmm. nickname! i don't know about any nicknames ;^(
SUP3RMILK: yeah, what was it?
SexyPrincess4435: cute, hunh?
SUP3RMILK: what does "violent aspiration" mean
SUP3RMILK: "trannygirl?" something likethat
SexyPrincess4435: candygirl!!>:^/ i like it! are u making fun of me? ;P
SUP3RMILK: oh no! cute stuff. hm. adorable.
SexyPrincess4435: OMG
SUP3RMILK: ugh my stomach
SexyPrincess4435: OMG
SUP3RMILK: what?
SexyPrincess4435: if u were there to hear "candygirl"
SUP3RMILK: i think the spoiled milk is getting angry
SexyPrincess4435: ...that means u heard me tell Tara all about...you know
SUP3RMILK: hold on a sec
SexyPrincess4435: u know, the "peppermint stick" experiment
SUP3RMILK: back
SexyPrincess4435: so...what did u think about it? how was it for you?
SexyPrincess4435: duh. i feel so...funny now! exposed...nervous
SUP3RMILK: chunky. creamy. me too, man...my stomach is all messed up
SexyPrincess4435: chunky? what are u talking about?
SUP3RMILK: you asked me how it was?
SexyPrincess4435: what?
SUP3RMILK: hunh?
SexyPrincess4435: nevermind
SexyPrincess4435: are u thinking what i'm thinking?
SUP3RMILK: i think so
SexyPrincess4435: you want my number, right?
SUP3RMILK: well. actually, i was about t hold on
SexyPrincess4435: k
SUP3RMILK: i gotta go
SexyPrincess4435: wait! the number!
SUP3RMILK: oh right
so now you see. it was almost instant, our rapport. we knew what each other meant and hardly needed to be told. the same butterflies in both our stomachs eventually led to a serious bond built on trust and sharing and common interests. we both love the computer, we both love cell phones, we both love LJ! we've shared over 800,000 words (i've logged it all), and we were almost always together. even if it was just the little prancing cow on my screen that let me know we were "directly connected."
one time we had the most beautiful evening...it was like a movie, it was so pure. just laughing for hours, sitting there in the computer light (my lamp was broken, has been broken for weeks), her face as my desktop, her voice looped on my mp3 player, a collection of eighty-two WAV. files, her jpgs on my wall. i finally shared my big Secret with her. and you know, she handled it very well. and made me feel very safe, and loved.
well, actually, it was her best friend, who found the pw to her IM, and was IMing me as if it were Essy, who made me feel safe and loved. but in my heart it was real. and that's what counts. (note to self - get SexyLady2002's phone number next time talking to Essy).
so, in this masturbation fantasy, anyway, essy is sitting at her desk, working on homework. the chemistry class is really tough, and she's been at it for hours. i look over at her and note the way the desklamp illuminates her beautiful red hair. just like in "ponderous.jpg," where there is a reddish glow all around her face. (well, she did some photoshop work on it, but it only makes sense, it feels right, her hair is red, after all).
so, i come over and lay my head on her lap. my cheek is roughly caressed by the polyester of her pants. her hand floats down and strokes my hair. its a gentle touch (and i know it is, because she's a virgo, and i read all about them online). i gaze toward her lap, where the fabric clings tight to her pussy, where there are those twin swellings. at this point, she says, "Oh, SUP3RMILK, you know i want your
oh hold on i got an IM
SUPERMILK is an expert Squeezer of Lemon, Thumber of Nose, and Navigator of Moronity. His mark can be found on the Bedpan of Hammurabi, the forehead of Dagonet, and the office stationery of Jorge Bourgoise. Additionally, he braised this tender piece of monkeymeat at 5:49 PM
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