oh yeah. i'm in a world of my own and shit. or..oh yeah.

so anyway, after tasha left, you know, i was feeling pretty low. but there's this other girl that i've kind of been making eyes at for the longest time. we see each other at 2:15, right before my sculpture class. out in the the hall. anyway, her name is judy. yeah, kinda cool, right? reminds me of Punch and Judy, you know? yeah. i made a joke about it, but i don't think she got it. she just got some weird look on her face and said something hostile. i don't know. she's weird. fuck her.

but yeah, so here i was feeling bad, 'cause tasha just split. so i arrange this date with this girl, with Judy. yeah, i know, i'm skipping part, but that part is boring. hi, how are you, blah blah, flutter of eyes, shy smile, etc. the date was made.

and on the way home -- she notices this guy, and this guy is doing this little routine, with a radio and stuff. he's doing this dumbass little jive and bop pantomime about some guy going to work, and everything going wrong, and then, oh i don't know, something about the guy leaving and being happy, or something stupid, i don't know. it had a happy ending. i just wanted to go, she wanted to stand and gawk there. this guy had a head of blonde curls and this amazingly huge and vapid grin on his face the whole time. i found myself smiling along with him out of some insane physiological empathy. i immediately wanted to foul myself. and carve my guts out publicly.

so, anyway, later i'm thinking. you know? i've been developing this little routine, too. because i'm just like that. i perfect things. it's a sign of my higher nature.

okay, anyone can just wipe their ass and get off the toilet. but me, i've got a whole little number. i've got thirteen steps, and it's sort of a dance. it all just flows together. it begins with a twist, and a lick of the fingers before i grab the toilet paper (for grip), a tucking under of the arm, a quick, sharp tug of the paper, a mid-air transfer of the tissue, and so it goes. i'm really rather good at it. all the motions just flow into one, and i can just imagine a crowd oooohing at the majesty of such flawless art. i really think it could be a judgable thing. like those bartending competitions. there would be points awarded for originality, dexterity, speed, technique. oh, lord. i would bring home all the ribbons.

so, yeah, finally, the obviousness of it struck me! if i could just get Judy to somehow walk in on me in the act of this graceful maneuver, i could surely win her respect, too! just like the grinning idiot with the radio! i felt on top of the world. i was full of revelation and i loved everyone, for a rare fourteen minutes.

well, anyway. it wasn't as foolproof a plan as it sounds. i managed to call her into the bathroom just at the right moment, but the actual door swinging open completely threw me off balance; i panicked, licked my fingers in the wrong order....it was mayhem.

but still! you think that seeing how ambitious i was to win her affections would've sealed the deal!

oh, well. i guess she just wasn't the One.